PCWha?

Twenty five measly little miles left people! Amanda and I are consuming but not enjoying weak americanos and cold Costco muffins at a cafe right outside San Diego. We've already gone about half of the day's ride and it's not even 11 am, mostly because we were camped in some dirt right off of Highway 1 which conveniently is also the same route the Amtrack takes south of L.A. So in addition to the wet sea air that mysteriously saturated both our sleeping bags and tent throughout the night, Amanda and I were woken at 45 minute intervals by the melodious cacophony of the train. Needless to say we are a bit sleepy, but thoughts of tequila shots and kissing Mexican border patrolmen will keep us going strong.
As this is our last official day of riding the Pacific Coast Bike Route, I thought I would share a little something with you non-California natives about good ol' So-Cal. They have this highway. It's actually Highway 1, but since this is southern California they call it the Pacific Coast Highway or the PCH. Sounds beautiful right? You're thinking beaches, sun, surfers, convertibles. We were thinking beaches, sun, surfers, convertibles, and kids from 90210 high-fiving us along the way... Well folks, think again. The PCH, our guide book's chosen route for a good 100+ miles through this part of the state, is the most awful thoroughfare on Earth. It sucks. Everyone in the west Los Angeles area uses this highway to get around because LA traffic is terrible and it's a fast north-south artery. Riding a bike on it is just stupid, even if you are wearing fluorescent clothes. In fact, I think I may have even gotten singled out just because I looked like a highlighter. Between episodes of clenching my teeth so hard my jaw hurt and yelling at celebrities that got too close to me and My Pony, I came up with a couple of my own acronyms that are far more appropriate for this Pacific Coast Highway (and for your enjoyment I will use hyphens and 'n's where I please, thank you very much) ...

• Pretty Crappy Highway
• Potholes 'n' Cracks Highway
• People Crusher Highway
• Phoning Cellularly Highway
• Pricks 'n' Cars Highway

These are more descriptive of what I was thinking while riding (creative license with hyphens still applies)...

• Probably Cyclist Hell
• Passive Carbon Huffing
• Pedal Cranks Hurriedly
• Pony Can't Hang
• Prefer Cyclonic Headwind
• Please Cease Honking
• Put Car-bomb Here

So that should give you a better picture of what the PCH really is. All of you So-Cal people are living a lie! It's blasphemy really. Thankfully, we finished our last battle with that highway of which I shall no longer speak of this morning, which is good because I want to live to see the border today and I still look like a highlighter.

Next time I post something we will be done! Hurray!